Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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