took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
