watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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