idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
