people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We are two peas in an std pod
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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