I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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