everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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