My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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