i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
