well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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