she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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