just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
