i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found the puke drawer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
