You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
third nipple confirmed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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