new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
