i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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