So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
