u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
