every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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