i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
