Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
