I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
