I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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