dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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