i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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