oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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