Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
