this beer tastes like vomit already
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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