life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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