What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
