Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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