I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
