I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
