I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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