i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Randomize
