Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
