Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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