ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
