Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
