the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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