update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
