If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
