No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
