his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
