Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
