its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
