I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found a bag of teeth...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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