I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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