the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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