I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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