u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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