Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
