My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
