I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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